I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
