you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
