sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
