did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
