I didn't shave. On purpose
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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