Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I smell stomach acid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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