who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
