I seem to have left my pride at pride
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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