there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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