My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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