I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
