Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
