Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
