Please, let me fuck your mom
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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