A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize