he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
