WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
