I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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