just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
