We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
