I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
