I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
