She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
