2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
