ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
