The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
