Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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