That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
