My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize