it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
