Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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