Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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