a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know her cup size but not her name....
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