i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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