We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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