I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
