I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You made out with two different species that night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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