you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
