I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
