I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
