her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
