everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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