I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
