she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
