Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
