my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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