There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
