You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
