It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
