im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
