she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
