This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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