I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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