Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
