He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You made out with two different species that night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
