that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
