i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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